Kvelve's Comments: It can't get worse, can it?

| December 30, 2020 12:00 AM

Does anyone out there feel like I do about 2020?

Like, perhaps, asking for a refund on the midnight “Happy New Year” salutations from a year ago?

I think a good way to sum up 2020 would be to replace the giant crystal ball in Times Square with a pair of pants that upon reaching the top of the spire the pants fall away to reveal a giant “moon” to this soon to be gone year.

It would be a fitting way to say adios, au revoir, auf wiedersehen, followed by Lawrence Welk doing a “drop the Mic” thing with his conductor’s baton.

We were barely into the tumultuous year when the China virus reared its ugly head. And it looks like that will be the case as 2021 comes limping in.

The vaccines are being dispersed, so maybe there’s hope for a return to some form of normal.

Politics were perhaps the only thing more ugly than a virus from bats. Not sure how bat tastes but I ain’t gonna be finding out anytime soon. Re-imagine this: a rat with wings.

Folks flat out panicked. At least one governor decided sending virus stricken patients to nursing homes was a good idea. Schools slammed the door on sports and other activities.

Nasty disease no doubt. But we didn’t shut the country down over the swine flu or AIDS outbreaks. Of course we live in an era where if little Jimmy falls down on the playground his little behind is going to be strapped to a backboard and loaded into an ambulance.

The political conventions didn’t happen, unless you want to call “virtual” anything reality. I finally broke down and logged on to a virtual conference and immediately felt weird for doing so.

Toilet paper became a commodity in more demand than gold. Lysol was gone from store shelves. I can tell you this was one area that did not cause me any panic, but was worrisome.

There are a few things in life that if you take them away from me you will be, as Merle Haggard crooned, “walking on the fighting side of me.”

No toilet paper? Take away my ability to go have a cold beer with other human beings? What next? Fans made out of cardboard sitting in otherwise empty stadiums? The Big Sky Conference tucking its tail between its trembling legs and running for cover? The Brawl of the Wild in…March?

Nothing says Easter like a Cat-Griz game and a chocolate rabbit.

There were, to be fair, some really good things that happened in 2020. One President had the kahunas grande to kick the pharmaceutical bigwigs in the posterior, cut red tape and get the vaccine into the hands of healthcare providers.

Of course, the country rewarded that same President by cheating him out of a second term and replacing him with a guy who thought he was running for the Senate and can’t tell the difference between Ohio and New Hampshire.

The price of gas stayed pretty steady all summer long, even if it took awhile for folks to take advantage of cheap fuel.

T-paper reappeared. Put away the pine cones and leaves…at least for now.

Personally, I was blessed with the arrival of a second grandson, Asher. Of course that may have been to the chagrin of those I know who had grown tired of me showing them endless pictures of grandson number one.

And I discovered a replacement for the high-priced, high-brow sports I was missing. Despite the best efforts of the coronavirus, there were football games and volleyball games played in Montana.

High school sports became a low-cost replacement to professional sports. You can attend every game of a local high school football team for less than the price of a single game of say, the Seahawks. And even though concessions stands were mostly boarded up, a hot dog at a game in Mullan, Idaho will not require you to sign loan papers.

By mid-summer, with most everything being shut down or taken away, a group of folks from Plains organized a replacement parade down main street, in effect flipping the giant finger to the “nattering nabobs of negativity”, as VP Spiro Agnew once said, who figuratively tried to rain on everyone’s parade.

The monster truck rally drew a large crowd to the Sanders County Fairgrounds arena, replacing the soon-to-be cancelled rodeo.

Don’t mess with my rodeo. Back away from the bulls. Hands off the chaps.

And, in a really positive sign of hope, the local food bank reported higher than normal donations. Citizens helping citizens.

Imagine that?

So, to all you statue removers, political correctness purveyors of contempt for the First Amendment, rioters, looters and other miscreants who stained our streets, I can only say…”Nice Try.”

I’m still going to be wishing everyone a Happy New Year in a couple days. And while I may be trying to find a tall place to climb up on for a good Holiday mooning, I will do my best to approach 2021 with guarded optimism.

It can’t get worse, can it?