Thursday, February 25, 2021

Kvelve's Comments: Wyo-Ida-Mont is the place to be

| November 11, 2020 12:00 AM


Let that sink in for a moment while I build the case.

We, meaning you, me and a whole lot of Americans, are being told to stand shoulder to shoulder with liberals and their basement dwelling candidate who appears to have hijacked the election for the highest office in the land.

This same group of “patriots” set cities on fire, looted stores and spent four years attacking a man many of us consider a great president who had the kahunas to take on the swamp.

So, what does that have to do with Wyo-Ida-Mont and what exactly is that?

Ever notice that there are times when you feel like you just don’t fit in? Like you’d be better off in a place where folks are more like you, and no, nothing to do with race or racism which liberals throw around like mud off the tires of a monster truck.

I’m talking about a place that still has a respect for the ideals set forth in the U.S. Constitution, for working hard and achieving the “dream.”

A place where going to church is still a good thing. Where Christmas is still great and political “correctness” is an opinion, not something for which to be shamed.

Where there is patriotism taught in schools and trouble makers are shown the door.

Introducing my solution, far-fetched as it may be.

In the recent election, those of us living in the so-called “flyover” states as snobs in the Northeast and Left Coast so quaintly label residents of the heartland, got the shaft. And hopefully it ain’t over yet.

But when I looked at the electoral map and combined it with the geography, patriotism and values of a group of Red states an obvious solution struck me like an errant volleyball.

Beating a dead horse and banging your head on a wall do not work. Finding a solution does.

So, as far-fetched as it may seem, I came up with the conclusion that Wyoming, Idaho and Montana might as well be one state. Voted the same, still believe in hard work for good pay, like our guns and Bibles and think criminals ought to be locked up.

Hence the name Wyo-Ida-Mont. A new land with new hope for conservatives everywhere.

In WIM (as in more than a whim), there will be two parties…Republican and Conservative. If, for example as has happened in several states in the current USA, you decide you’ve had enough of high taxes and government give-a-ways and the mess they cause, you may not be eligible for citizenship in WIM if you plan to bring those same politics with you that made you escape in the first place.

This is in line with the feelings of thousands of Cubans who fled Castro’s disaster and came to Florida and now support conservative, anti-Socialist ideas.

You will be allowed, almost encouraged to own firearms in WIM, as long as you pass a safety class.

What??? You want everyone to own a gun??? In the states that would become WIM, most everyone already does Beto.

Another feature of WIM will be that there will be two ways to vote: in person on Election Day and absentee ballot requested by the party unable to attend the election in person.

If it’s important enough, you will find a way to show up at the polls.

When you get to the polls, you will be asked to produce a picture ID. OMG, that’s racist and homophobic and genophobic and comonsenseophobic and a host of yet to be named phobias.

You have to produce a picture ID to buy alcohol, cigarettes, get on an airplane, cash a check, license your vehicle, buy insurance and on and on.

Attack a police officer in WIM? Enjoy you new home for life…located amid acres of scenic farmland outside of Deer Lodge.

So what other advantages would WIM offer? Vast supply of natural gas, coal and oil to heat our homes and power our farms, factories and businesses.

While the California crowd is shivering in their candle-lit homes or sweating the latest heat wave, we in WIM will be comfortable. Our gas will be $2 a gallon, while your fleet of electric cars sit idly by waiting for the great Green New Deal to actually produce enough power to keep the lights on in San Francisco.

If you are nice, liberal Socialist States of America, we might just sell you some of that power at rates equal to the cost of producing a watt of energy from your solar panels.

We in WIM will be strong…there are three major air bases and two nuclear missile command centers within our new territory…just saying.

We will keep the tourist tax relatively low for those of you wanting to experience all of the wonders of this new nation.

We will also enjoy delicious beef, pork and poultry from within our borders. You be trying to convince yourselves that kelp really does taste good. Our farmers are awesome and produce a wide variety of crops these days.

The advantages of bringing together these three wonderful states are too plentiful to name. We could work out fair trade with Canada and keep the Chinese Communist Party out.

Pipe dream you say? Maybe.

But ain’t it a grand dream? Those of you in the Dakotas would be welcome too.

Chuck Kvelve Bandel is a reporter for the Mineral Independent and Clark Fork Valley Press. Look for his “Kvelve’s Comments” column weekly.