Of parasites and politicians

Typewriter Tales

I never knew so many mosquitos existed until I moved to Montana.

Parasites have never bothered me much. On camping trips, I had to be caught, imprisoned under one of my grandfather’s strong, rough elbows and smeared with DEET while I squirmed and screamed. I’d rather be bitten a couple times than smell like a half-rotted skunk.

Even when my family’s house in Oregon was infested by fleas brought in by the previous owners’ dog, I was immune. My younger brothers were drowning in bites. (The fleas were probably drawn to their undeniable canine qualities.)

But then I moved to Montana, where the mosquitoes are as big as cows and have the jaws of tigers. I spent ten minutes putting out the garbage and ended up condemned to flip-flops for the next three weeks just because a little sucker landed a bite on the arch of my foot.

If there were a trophy for the mosquito elite, Montana’s bugs would win hands down. Wings down?

Speaking of blood-sucking insects, how about those national politicians? Presidential hopeful Barack Obama is asking his supporters to help long-time Democratic opponent Hillary Clinton pay off some of her campaign debt. According to data released by the campaign, Clinton owes some $25.2 million. Clinton also made a personal loan of $13 million to her own campaign — money that she might be able to reclaim if enough local people’s wallets open up.

Gee, you think one of the local banks would be willing to lend me $13 million? Because I think I have a bridge I’d like to buy.

I have a confession to make: I might actually have voted for Clinton. In June, I grabbed a Democratic ballot so I could vote for a favored county commissioner candidate. When it came to the top row, I just flipped a coin. By that point, I knew (even if Clinton refused to know) that the Democratic primary election was a farce. By the numbers, she couldn’t win. Of course, that didn’t stop her from spending vast amounts of money. Maybe she hoped National Enquirer photographers would catch Obama in a compromising position with a local sheep.

(Shame on early-primary Democrats, by the way, for undervaluing experienced candidates who actually talked about real issues like Bill Richardson, Chris Dodd and Joe Biden.)

Don’t get me wrong, I liked Clinton, in some ways. She was the only candidate I ever heard speak about domestic violence. And I did like the idea of a woman in the top seat, even if she got there clutching the coattails of her more charismatic husband. She also faced constant unflattering, sexist attacks from the news media, who seemed to be more interested in what she wearing than asking her hard questions.

Nevertheless, it’s beyond me why she kept running long after Obama had clinched the nomination. And now she expects voters to pay for her pipe dream. Bad enough the national political arena is dominated by rich elites, but must those same elites also expect us lesser mortals to reimburse them for their own, personal risk?

In a dribbling, slowdown economy flirting with recession, don’t people have better things to spend their money on than the presidential fantasies of a menopausal millionaire? Finance a starving child, donate to the Sanders County cancer network, or pay your own sky-high gas bill. Otherwise, you’d be setting an irritating precedent.

Better to squash these bugs now, or they’ll be more mosquitos swarming next election.