STORY OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

A family that survived

I am writing this letter in response to a previous letter submitted by Paul Necessary regarding the Sanders County Coalition for Families.

I am a 30-year-old woman with three children and we are victims and survivors of domestic violence. My family and I have been working with the SCCFF since July of 2007. If SCCFF hadn't helped us in the many ways in which they have, we would be homeless and probably still stuck in a deadly situation. My ex-husband whom I was with for 15 years has been formally charged four times for, (though should have been charged several other times) first charge in 1998 - harassment, second charge in 2003 - misdemeanor assault IV constituting domestic violence, third charge in 2003 - misdemeanor, interfering with making a police report, and lastly, 2007 - felony assault IV constituting domestic violence, and is now a labeled felon because of his actions. My ex-husband was put in jail in June of 2007 and will be released in January of 2009 and I live in fear of my children's and my life everyday that his release date gets closer.

SCCFF has provided my family and I confidential housing and helped me do the things in which I need to get myself back on track. Without their help, I don't know what I would have done.

How does SCCFF “lead many to believe that they are somehow connected with the county or their law enforcement”? And it's nobody's business how much the workers make? Yes, they have grant money. Compared to the growing number of cases of domestic violence, it's stretched pretty thin. They can't even put an alarm system in my housing because they don't have the funding for it! Yes, they are a nonprofit agency. Where did you come up with them being a government agency? Where do you get your information from? I think you need to check the source of your information because its sounds like to me they don't know what they are talking about!

How do you know that SCCFF doesn't help men? Have you called and asked them? Has any man that you know ever gone to them for help? Do you know any man that, if abused, would report it? And if they did, would they accept the resources and help available to them?

Here's a couple scenario's for you to think about.

Let's say you are on a road trip with your family and end up getting lost. Your wife and children ask you to pull over to get directions, would you do as they asked? My guess is you probably wouldn't, because your a “man” and you think men don't stop for directions!

Here's another.

Let's say a man was abused by his wife or girlfriend and someone asked him how he got hurt. What do you think his story would be? This is the most common story I've heard when a man has lost a fight to another man even though untrue. “I got into a fight at the bar with a couple of guys last night; you think my face looks bad, you should see theirs”! Most likely you would all get a good laugh about it not knowing what had really happened to your friend! Do you think he would want to tell his big bad buddy's that “oh, uh, my wife or girlfriend did this to me.” I don't. Think about it!

Do you even understand the strength it takes for a victim of domestic violence to report what happen to them and have to face the fact that the person that they love could hurt them in any way? I don't think you do or you wouldn't have said the things you said about an agency that helps to provide the encouragement to those victims of domestic violence reminding them that, yes, they did do the right thing and because they did they and their family's are alive and safe!

SCCFF can help an abuse victim with limited resources, whether that victim is a man or a woman. Sanders County Coalition for Family's does not take the law into their own hands or discriminate against any gender, age or race!

Here are the things that SCCFF can assist a victim of domestic violence with:

A safety plan to ensure safety from the abuser

Help with a safe and secure place to stay away from the danger of the abuser

Retaining a Restraining Orders or Order of protection

Gas assistance for the victim to get to a place of safety away from the abuser

Rental and utility assistance to break the pattern of violence

Available Resources for counseling for the adult victim, Numbers for law enforcement, etc.Š

For children of Domestic Violence they provide:

*Counseling, so that the pattern of violence is broken, and to help the children deal with the situation that they just came from, and understand that they are not the ones to blame.

*Prevention programs in the schools so that all sexes and ages are taught awareness, and prevention

In my family's situation, as well as many other victims of domestic violence, the police can be made aware of the situation, the release date, and the restraining order, but in some cases won't be able to protect us from our abusers. In my case, unless my ex-husband is seen in town before he finds me once released from prison, I could be beaten or even killed before the police even know that he is here. The abuser (whether it be male of female) more often than not finds a way to get to the victim. No piece of paper will stop them, and I know this from experience. If you can provide the things that SCCFF can, then maybe you should think about opening your own agency for the protection of victims of domestic violence. You can stop criticizing a very successful agency for doing their work so well. When you can say that, you can help my family with rent, utilities, the information for the resources available to me, developing a plan so that I or my children won't be killed, then you can write an article about the facts, instead about the things you don't have a clue about and can't distinguish between whether it is fact or fiction.

Gossip can be a fire that can be either put out or fueled and in my opinion you just feed the fire that burned down the house.

For more information courtesy of the world wide web regarding Domestic Violence and or Sexual Assault go to: www.jrsa.org - Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Data Resource Center, or www.usdoj.gov - U.S. Department of Justice, or contact your local law enforcement agency. They can provide anyone effected by domestic violence (either sex) information for resources available in your area.

Karri Layton

Plains