Gone for the holidays…

Danielle Switalski

As children grow older it is inevitable that one day they will leave the nest. However, when your child joins the armed forces and is deployed overseas, it’s not only inevitable they will leave the nest, but nearly impossible for them to come home for the holidays.

The holidays are a time for family and togetherness and when a family member can’t make it home for the holidays, their absence is that much more noticeable.

Cheri Seli was a stay at home mom for most of her three children’s lives. Having zero history with the military in their family, when her son Kendall decided to join the armed forces, she couldn’t help but feel shocked.

“It was the first time in 30 years of parenting I couldn’t pick up the phone and call him. I didn’t know where he was, I just felt total disconnect,” said Seli of Kendall’s first deployment to Afghanistan.

Kendall left for his second term in Afghanistan on August 29. With the onslaught of the holiday season, his absence is even more palpable.

“I do think Christmas day is going to be hard. It won’t be the first Christmas without him, but last time I had seen him a few weeks before,” said Seli. “It’s lonely without him and I’m sure I’ll cry more than once on Christmas, but it’s part of being a mom.

Seli jokingly compared the way she copes with her son’s deployment to a t-shirt she once saw that read, “my name is Cleopatra, I live on DeNile.”

Seli is putting packages together to send to Kendall for Christmas, including his favorite pistachios, some books and DVD’s.

Jeanne Stone has two sons in the military and they haven’t had a Christmas together since 2003.

Stone usually bakes over Thanksgiving and sends her son specific cookie requests. There are times, Stone said, where she wishes she could just give her children a hug. To combat these feelings, she gives her son who currently lives in Plains a hug.

“It’s really hard because I’m a single mom so it was always me and my kids. I’m really glad they are grown and doing their own thing, but not being together for major events, you get used to a different kind of celebration,” said Stone.

Although Stone said she thinks it can be hard for her son Sam, who is currently part of the U.S. military police in Germany, Stone’s grandfather is from Germany and he can find a connection to family and he can do some personal exploration, which is different from when he was sent to Afghanistan and Iraq.

Every mother copes with their children being away for the holidays in different ways. Although, every mother is especially proud of their child serving their country, the stress of worry does not lessen because of it.

For Mary Jones of Hot Springs, whose son unexpectedly joined the Marine Corps two years ago and is being deployed for the first time to Japan on December 15, she tries her best to not think about the potential danger of her son in the Marines.

This will be Jones’ first Christmas without her only son home and it has been a year since she has seen him, she explained while choking back tears.

“I just try not to think about it. I can’t actually watch the news about it, I can to a certain point, but then I have to get up and leave the room, but I try not to think about the horrible stuff that can happen,” said Jones.

Jones said Thanksgiving was not too hard on her, as her son Dwayne was not home last year for the holiday, but Christmas will be a little more difficult to get through.

To cope with her son’s absence, Jones puts on her Eagles tape and plays “Take it Easy” over and over again which helps her calm down. Unfortunately Jones does not yet have her son’s address in Japan, but will be sending belated Christmas gifts when she gets the chance.

Dwayne also has a friend in the marines who was recently deployed to Okanawa who he can spend the holidays with.

Judy Matthew, whose son, Larry, is in the Navy and will be in Guam with his wife and one-year-old daughter, whom Matthew has not yet had a chance to meet, over the holidays.

Matthew said she doesn’t worry about her son and is happy he got his life in order. She relies on her other children to help her through the stress. When Larry was in Iraq, Matthew managed to send him cookies and presents over the holidays. This year she is also sending him boxes of presents. Matthew is not worried about her son this Christmas, as he will be with his own family in Guam over Christmas.

”I miss my kids, but I don’t dwell on it,” said Matthew.

Matthew summed up how all of these mothers are feeling, “He’s happy and he’s productive and he knows what he’s doing.”

These four mothers have tremendous amounts of pride for their sons who are serving their country. And although the holidays might seem a little less empty, they didn’t raise strong children by themselves being any less strong.