Food for thought
Dr. Leta A. Livoti Ph.D
Date rape is one of the most misunderstood and controversial of sex crimes. When date rape occurs, many guys really don’t feel they have crossed a line or done anything wrong and this is the biggest part of the problem. Guys, believe it or not, it is in your best interest to really “get it” because a date rape conviction is still a sex crime conviction and can follow you for the rest of your life.
Date rape is rape that occurs between two people who know one another and usually happens in social situations. It can happen between people who are dating as a couple and have had consensual sex in the past. It can happen between two people who are starting to date. It can happen between people who are just friends and it can happen between acquaintances.
The first and most important thing a guy needs to understand is NO MEANS NO. This is a non-negotiable fact. As soon as the word “No,” comes out of her mouth you must stop what you are doing and you should not persist by trying again. If you even have a shadow of a doubt about what she really wants, stop altogether. When she says “No,” or starts physically pushing you away even without saying no, or if she repeatedly stops you from moving past a certain point; you MUST STOP. Just because she is okay with the kissing doesn’t mean she wants more. Just because a girl consents to one type of sexual interaction does not automatically mean she is open to others. Just because a girl has had sex with you in the past does not mean she is obligated to have sex with you every time you get intimate together.
Why Does Date Rape Happen?
Date rape can happen when a guy, thinking a woman is playing hard to get, believes she really means “yes” when she says “no” or when two people do not have a clear understanding of each other’s sexual intentions and expectations. For some men violence is often seen as an acceptable way to solve problems and they feel it is okay to use force to get what they want.
Another area of confusion in date rape is intoxication. If a woman or girl is intoxicated or high she CAN NOT consent to sex and you can be charged with rape. It does not matter whether you knew she was intoxicated or not or if you were intoxicated. All that matters is she was not in the state of mind to consent and therefore it is rape.
Date rape is a violation of a woman’s body and spirit. It can affect every area of her life causing loss of respect and trust, guilt, depression, fear, sexual problems, addictions and in some extreme cases suicide. So for both your sakes remember NO MEANS NO.
Dr. Leta A. Livoti Ph.D, LCSW, LCPC is a psychotherapist in Thompson Falls. She can be contacted at 827-0700.