Coping choices: loneliness-normal or not?
Coping Choices – Loneliness – Normal or Not
Dear Choices: I know everyone gets lonely once in a while, but I find myself sinking into a hole of loneliness. What can I do about it?
Lonely for the Holidays.
Dear Lonely: There is situational loneliness, a painful but temporary condition resulting from a loss, divorce, death, a move to a new town. It differs from chronic loneliness, an ever-present, self-perpetuating condition that pushes people away from the relationships that sustain us and make us happy. The chronically lonely are not merely unhappy—they are in danger. “Loneliness has surprisingly broad and profound health effects,” says John T. Cacioppo, Ph.D., director of Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago and a leading authority on the subject. There is mounting evidence that loneliness significantly increases the chances of diabetes, sleep disorder, greater risk of high blood pressure, as well as higher levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, weakened immune systems and Alzheimer’s disease as well as other potentially life-threatening problems.
An AARP survey reveals that millions of older Americans suffer from chronic loneliness and their ranks are swelling: People, ages 45 and up, endorsed loneliness on the UCLA Loneliness Scale (35% compared with 20%, a decade ago). Age, however, makes an unexpected difference. Most are adults in their 40’s and 50’s, with the lowest number among those 70 and up. Based on the survey results, they estimate 44 million adults are suffering from loneliness. Our social networks are shrinking, the percentage of Americans who say they have no one to discuss important matters with rose from 10% in 1985 to more than 24% in 2004.
These steps can help lower your risk: 1) Nurture your personal relationships. 2) Favor face-to-face contact over electronic communication. 3) Join a social club or community organization. 4) Stay in touch with former friends. 5) Take time to volunteer. 6) Develop a spiritual connection.
The severe recession has contributed to this trend. During hard times, people tend to hunker down and withdraw from communities. There has been a rapid increase in single-person households and most people are working harder and longer for less money than a decade ago. The workplace has also become inescapable, with email, texting makes it difficult to unplug. Even the younger population are constantly online, texting, and talking electronically, which eliminates the personal, emotional contact. This persistently frantic state of busyness threatens our connections with one another. Facebook is no substitute for face time. There are fewer deep connections using the internet. Dr. Cacioppo says, “Using social networking as a substitute for human contact can be like eating celery when you are hungry. It makes you feel better for a short while, but it isn’t real nourishment.” Social connections are critical and need to be thought of as a cure for loneliness. People who do not feel connected to something outside of themselves, feel as if there is a hole in their lives. Find an interest and develop it into a passion, join with others with the same passion.
Please send your questions regarding mental health, addiction, co-dependency, finances, divorce, self-esteem, anger, parenting, grief/loss issues, or life adjustments. Questions will be selected for the greatest appeal for the general public and will be educational in nature. More personal confidential questions will be responded to individually. Nancy M. Smith, LCSW, LAC, Choices for Change Counseling, P.O. Box 622, Superior, MT 59872, 406-822-5422 or 406-649-2761 - choices@blackfoot.net