Choices for change counseling

‘Circle of Security’ Offers Help to Parents

Dear Choices: "I think I need some parenting classes, sometimes I think my child is running me. I don't feel very effective and want my child to be better. What can I do? " Worried Parent.

Dear Worried: There is a new program called Circle of Security, an "intervention to help parents raise their children with love, warmth and emotional intelligence." This model was developed by Kent Hoffman and three

others and is based on attachment theory, which holds that the early bonds that children forge with their parents remain important throughout their lives. "Basically, it is a way of understanding what we are wired to do," said Hoffman. "Essentially we have learned this from babies, who are the best researchers on the planet. By 11 months, they already know what it takes to get what they need from a parent." Only certified COS trainers can teach this class.

What they need is a loving, secure base of operations from which they can eventually venture forth into the world. That bond then serves as a home base as the child steps out into society. The circle is ‘moving out and coming back.' Every parent experiences the anxiety of letting their kids go out to explore the world, but as long as they give them a secure place to come home to, they are doing the job.

Most importantly, parents don't have to get it all right. You don't have to bat 1,000. Kids can be secure even when we make mistakes, even if we have children (adopted or foster) that we did not have their first few years of life. In fact, we all make mistakes and it is important to realize that and to own up to making mistakes to your children. For a parent, part of understanding the parent-child relationship is understanding the parent-world relationship. One of the things we start with is the creation of some sense of coherence for people. Once they see where they fit, they can start to see where their child fits and how the two of them fit in the larger context. Stability, consistency, predictability, and structure are part of the critical foundation. Some of the objectives of the training are: 1) shifting caregiver focus from behavior management to enhancing the quality of the relationship.

2) understanding specific steps to build self-reflection. 3) identify new options to help caregivers manage emotions. 4) learn step-by-step approaches for promoting secure attachment in children.

A Circle of Security class will begin Monday, June 7, 2010 from 2-3:30 pm at Choices for Change Counseling.

Class is limited so please call to register as soon as possible. We accept Medicaid and most insurances.

Please send your questions regarding mental health, addiction, co-dependency, finances, divorce, self-esteem, anger, parenting, grief/loss issues, or life adjustments. Questions will be selected for the greatest appeal for the general public and will be educational in nature. More personal confidential questions will be responded to individually. Nancy M. Smith, LCSW, LAC, Choices for Change Counseling, P.O. Box 622, Superior, MT 59872, 406-822-5422 or 406-649-2761 - choices@blackfoot.net