Coping Choices-resilient people

Dear Choices:  I have been told I am too rigid.  How can I learn to be more resilient?......Stuck

Dear Stuck:  Resilience: The ability to rebound quickly from a crisis or trauma, don’t fall apart…at least not for long.  Resilient people call on an inner strength and recruit outside resources to keep moving forward.  They tweak their future expectations to fit their new reality, be it the loss of a loved one, a life-changing diagnosis, or a devastating financial blow.  Resilient people are like trees bending in the wind, they bounce back.  Resilience varies from person to person and has a genetic component—recent studies show that certain genes may protect you against the emotional back draft of trauma.  Although some people are naturally more resilient, like any behavior, resilience can be learned.  The following qualities are areas to cultivate to master any crisis:

1.     Stay connected. Rely on others to help you survive tough times.  Join a group with common objectives. Find a positive activity to focus your energy for a better quality of life and well-being, regardless of the burden you carry.

2.     Be optimistic. People with a sunny outlook do better at managing crises.  Caregivers who found more positive meaning in their caregiving were less likely to become depressed after their loved one died.  Negative thinking is a bad habit and will take some work to change your mindset.   Observe your thoughts, when you find yourself thinking negatively, challenge yourself to frame the situation in more positive terms.  Thought-stopping is making a conscious effort to replace negative thoughts with a song, picture of a peaceful place, etc.

3.     Seek the spiritual aspect. People with faith tend to get through difficult times better.  Strong faith helps overcome depression.

4.     Be playful. Enjoy yourself like a child.  Wonder about things, laugh, experiment, when life knocks you down, get back up.

5.     Give back.  The benefit you derive for yourself is as great as that you give others.  Share, forget yourself and reach out.  Positive feelings are mostly othercentered, negative feelings are selfcentered.

6.     Pick your battles.  Focus on things over which you have some influence and don’t spend time on things you can’t control.  You have a choice to wallow in anger or fear or move on and choose to be happy.  Whining and complaining about how you found yourself here doesn’t help, refocus your energy on goals.

7.     Stay healthy.  A good diet and regular physical activity provide crucial buffers against stress.  Exercise literally helps to repair neurons in brain areas that are particularly susceptible to stress.  If you are going to be any good to anyone else, you need to be good to yourself.  H.A.L.T.  Don’t allow yourself to get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. 

8.     Find a silver lining.  Convert misfortune into good luck and gain strength from adversity.  See negative events as an opportunity to improve yourself.   This is known as the post-traumatic growth syndrome and actually helps you become stronger.  Set aside your own pain and try to make a difference in the world.

Please send your questions regarding mental health, addiction, co-dependency, fiancés, divorce, self-esteem, anger, parenting, grief/loss issues, or life adjustments.  Questions will be selected for the greatest appeal for the general public and will be educational in nature.  More personal confidential questions will be responded to individually.  Nancy M. Smith, LCSW, LAC, Choices for Change Counseling, P.O. Box 622, Superior, MT 59872, 406-822-5422 or 406-649-2761 – choices@blackfoot.net