FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Is anger worth the hangover?

Whether your anger is justified or not, anger can be very harmful unless you can appropriately express it and let it go.  Letting go of anger is not an easy task.  Although  anger may give you power and make you feel like it is something important to hold on to, it is no life jacket.  In fact, anger and stress can hurt your physical and mental health.  High levels of hostility are responsible for heart disease and increased blood pressure.  It can lower your immune system and leave you open to an array of diseases and health problems.  It drains energy from your life and doesn’t make you feel well.

To stop being angry is not letting someone off the hook.  They may still deserve punishment.  Letting go of anger does not mean you stuff your feelings.  It means changing how you feel about the situation.  You can’t change what happened but you can change your reaction to it.  To start with, stop thinking about the situation, stop rehearsing the battle in your mind and how you are going to get even.  Anger is fueled by what we tell ourselves.  We have a choice to continue or stop negative thoughts.  Because it is a choice, your anger is controllable.   If you decide to stop obsessing about what has happened, you will start breaking the anger habit.

Anger is frequently used as an escape from other emotions that bother us even more deeply.  Anger makes us feel strong and powerful; but often underneath our anger we are concealing feelings of hurt, sadness or fear. Most people would rather feel anger than have to deal with these powerful emotions.  The next time you are experiencing anger ask yourself what am I really feeling?

In cognitive therapy, we ask clients to respond to the following questions:

1. If you get angry about what someone did or continues to do, that person is still controlling your feelings. How much longer are you going to allow this person to control how you feel?

2.  Anger and resentment do more damage to the container in which they are stored than to the object on which they are poured.  Who are you really hurting?

What is the payoff to staying angry?

What about you?  Are you able to let go of your anger?  When you release that anger you are taking control of your future happiness.  You learn to replace the feelings of anger with feelings of good will.

Dr. Leta A. Livoti Ph.D., LCSW, LCPC is a psychotherapist in Thompson Falls.  She can be contacted at 827-0700.