Kvelve’s Comments: A simple solution to world’s troubles

Could it really be that simple?

Could this be the respite I’ve been seeking? Perhaps the cure to the common blues fed by this whacky world in which we live? A real, no-cost break from politics, Covid this, Covid that, here a Covid, there a Covid everywhere a Covid?

Is this the escape, even temporarily, from the heart-breaking disappointment of my beloved Big Sky Conference football games being moved until Spring?

Relief from my house smelling worse than the south end of a north bound skunk because a neighbor burns rubber tires, plastic everything and other forms of garbage outdoors all night?

Is this a place where never is heard a discouraging word and skies are not cloudy all day?

I think it might be!

So Chuck, you may be thinking, where is this magical place and where can I find it? Are you about to strike it rich with some sort of miracle pillow, powdered beet mix or hamburger without meat?

No dear friends, it’s way more simple than that and it truly does not cost a dime. You won’t be urged to get a second one free (just pay a separate fee, which actually means buy one get one half off) or sign up for anything.

And, the cure to the funk is in ample supply right here in River City.

It’s called….are you ready….a street-side bench.

You know, a place where two or possibly three adults can park the carcass, take a load off, or in today’s vernacular, chill!

After reading the on-line Kalispell-based Daily Inter Lake Saturday morning, I was feeling lower than a snake’s belly in a four-wheeler rut (see that Western update to an old saying?).

I would have had to reach up to touch the bottom. The bird of paradise was trying to do a half-gainer up my nose and missed the pool on entry.

I guess it was a combination of things. Hot weather from the previous week, people wearing masks everywhere, baseball without real fans and the ice-maker in my refrigerator suddenly going on strike…all were on my mind. The capper to it all was the thought of no Brawl of the Wild this Fall…don’t get me started on that one!

So, as I paced slowly back and forth outside the town barber shop trying to clear my mind before I snap, climb atop a building and moon the whole town, fate stepped in and tempted me.

There, right in front of the barbershop window was a red, white and blue invitation to relax, sit a spell, take your shoes off…ya’ll come back now, hear?

Maybe, I thought, if I just sit down for a minute it will all be better. Then, in the non-existent blink of a Montana car turn signal, I realized this was pretty cool!

Instead of trying to mental floss from my mind (Mental Floss comes in several different stylish colors and if you act now they’ll ship it to you at no charge) images of Acosio-Cortez yammering on in her oxygen-wasting way of elevating my blood pressure, I felt a strange sense of ease sweeping through mind and body.

The corners of my mouth curled upward in a peaceful smile as I settle back, crossed one leg over the other and stretched my arm across the back of the bench.

Hey, there goes old what’s-his-name…looks like he’s been polishing that Ford again. Yonder comes a lady I see at the Post Office now and then, she’s looking good.

Man, I wonder what it would be like to drive a big truck stacked with huge logs. It sure is cooler today than it was yesterday.

That video my son sent last night of my grandson grinning ear-to-ear was great. Lots of tourists out and about today. The first cucumbers and tomatoes from my garden were awesome and that’s just the first of what could be a good crop.

Hey, what are these simple, pleasant thoughts running through my mind? If I wait here long enough, maybe Andy, Barney, Aunt Bea and Opie will come by so I can be sure and tell them “say hey to Gomer.”

I wonder if the pike are biting down at the river and ponder finding a country road I’ve never been on and going for a drive.

Then my barber comes out and tells me it’s my turn to shed my mop of hair. For a milli-second I had to make sure it wasn’t Floyd. Was there anyone else waiting for a trim to whom I could graciously offer my turn in the barber chair?

Nope, time to get my ears lowered.

So, I got up, realized I was moseying into the shop and had my ears lowered a bit.

It was crystal clear driving back home that I couldn’t have experienced what I just enjoyed if I were still living in a city.

Buses would have stopped and opened their doors as people hurried out and down the sidewalk, not a one of them nodding and saying hello as they passed.

This wonderful 15 minutes of small town bliss had been there all along, waiting for me.

I’ll be back!

Chuck Kvelve Bandel is a reporter for the Mineral Independent and Clark Fork Valley Press. Look for his “Kvelve’s Comments” column weekly.