Kvelve's Comments: Another wacky week in life of Kvelve

| December 16, 2020 12:00 AM

Sometimes I wish I could say I’m just making this up.

No sir/ma’am.

It’s real and I can’t explain it. For some reason, and it’s been going on my whole life, these things happen to me.

I’m not complaining, my life has been interesting if nothing else.

But Friday was another bizarre chapter in an already goofy series of events that sometimes happen all too frequently in the land of Kvelve.

Still reeling from the mouse that ran up my pant leg a while back, Friday’s chain of circumstances was just the latest head scratcher for this home boy.

For a few months, I have been putting aside a few extra dollars to make a special purchase, a Christmas gift to me from me.

So, with the product I wanted having arrived at the store, I was eagerly on my way to get my self-gifted present.

Now, what that present is, or where I got it is not the issue. No one was out to get me and the store I was heading to has been a favorite of my for several years.

Upon arrival at the un-named merchant in a town that doesn’t matter, I presented myself to the clerk behind the counter and told them I was here to purchase the product I had been told by phone was there waiting for me.

Before I get into that episode, I have to add that I was several weeks into a comedy of errors involving my purchase and anticipated shipment of some replacement parts for my Dodge Ram. Those parts had been damaged by a kamikaze deer that I met a few weeks ago in the middle of the road on a dark, rainy night.

The company that shipped those parts was proud to inform me that my delivery would be on a Tuesday, only to email me later that same day to let me know they made a mistake and the parts would arrive Wednesday.

When it rolled into Friday and the parts weren’t at my doorstep, I emailed the company and informed them that their “congratulations on your purchase and delivery” message was not accurate.

A quick check showed that the Covid virus, weather and scheduling difficulties meant the part had indeed not yet shipped. Refund my purchase price and forget it was my reply.

Two days later I got another email, saying the part was on its way. Forward another week and still no parts and no refund. This time, sadly, the company said the truck with my parts had been involved in an accident. Would I like to go ahead with the refund or, they assured me, the new part would be on its way that very day.

Ship the @#$@##$ parts.

Three days after they arrived in Missoula, still no parts and no refund. Must have put them on the horse-drawn wagon.

Back to this Friday’s fiasco.

Pleased with my purchase, I asked the clerk, who had already rung me up, if I could get a necessary supplemental “accessory” that would allow my purchase to do what it was meant to do.

Nope. Those accessories are in short supply all across the country, was the reply.

So, I reasoned, I just bought a very expensive paper weight?

No reply. Well, I’ll look online and see what I can find.

A cold beer was calling me and I stopped at a watering hole of choice and took a quick look at my on-line bank statement.

Whaaatttt?

I was overdrawn. No way.

To make a long story short, the clerk or the credit card company or someone not named Chuck Kvelve Bandel, had charged me twice for the coveted gift.

That set in motion a chain of events all too common in my existence on this planet.

I now had a negative checking account balance, and every transaction I had made going back as far as I could check was highlighted in that dreadful red print.

Horrified, I called the bank, who quickly spotted the double charge. Cool, I’m thinking, this will get taken care of now.

Not in my world. The bank told me I should contact the merchant to see if they could get one of the charges reversed and/or refunded. The merchant called the credit card company who told them that would take several business days. The merchant called me back and said I could wait those days with the red numbers haunting me or they would issue a refund check.

I said I would be there first thing in the morning to pick up the check, knowing full well that the credit card dudes are probably the same ones who run the shipping companies who are no doubt owned by the parts people.

Now we’re getting somewhere.

Not so fast Chuck my boy. The day after Friday is Saturday, as in my bank isn’t open on Saturday so I will have to wait a few days anyway.

I transferred enough from savings to checking to erase the balance deficit after being assured by my bank that I would not be facing any overdraft charges.

Later that day, after taking care of a million backed up errands and doing some work on stories for this newspaper, I settled back into my recliner, mentally exhausted from the day’s events.

My grandma’s Norwegian accident echoed in the back of my mind with a phrase she always said while watching me grow up.

“It could be vorse (that’s worse to you none Scandahoovians)”.

You got that right Grandma. I’d settle for less frequent.

Chuck Kvelve Bandel is a reporter for the Mineral Independent and Clark Fork Valley Press. Look for his “Kvelve’s Comments” column weekly.