Television: Will it stay or will it go?

I’m seriously thinking about giving up on an old friend I’ve had since I was probably four or five years old.

I’ve laughed with this friend, cried with this friend, been exasperated by this friend and always counted on this friend to be there when I was most in need.

But lately, exasperation has been winning out.

So who could this be that after all these years I’m at least thinking long and hard about booting out of my life?

Television, TV, the Boob Tube, the Idiot Box…it goes by many names.

Now this will not be easy, if indeed I find the courage to say goodbye.

Since the days of tin-foil rabbit ears or having my younger brother hold the antenna in just the right spot so I could see at least one of the grainy stations my family’s black and white TV could pick up, TV has been a part of my life.

Too big a part I’m now thinking.

There are several reasons for these ponderances, not the least of which being that my younger brother lives in some part of California.

Content is the character of my reasoning. Content as in the stuff that comes pouring out of that high definition, surround-sound backed, razor-thin 50-inch device that sits in the corning of my living room.

Maybe it’s because of the commercials and topping that list is the “Pillow Guy”. I own two of those pillows and they are pretty good products. Can’t say I always have the best sleep of my life but I’m not exactly a poster boy for sleeping well.

And I admire the Pillow Guy because of his story about being a former crack addict who is now the CEO of arguably the most famous pillow company in the world. Kudos to you sir!

But enough already with the non-stop advertising. I pretty sure we get it, must we be reminded hundreds of times a day?

This guy reminds me of a character actor that used to appear on a variety of sitcoms. Most of the time the guy was a rather strange dude who pranced around in front of a mirror while wearing a sleeveless white t-shirt, boxer shorts, black socks up to the knees and shoes.

And I don’t think it’s anyone’s business what’s in my wallet, or who’s good hands I’m in. I don’t want to see bags and wrinkles disappearing from someone’s face in less than four minutes…at least not several times an hour.

I do not give a rat’s behind what motivates someone to dance around the kitchen while mopping the floor or spin circles of joy because that nasty stain finally came off their favorite shirt.

Do not tell me that a second product is “absolutely free” while in the next hushed breath telling me “just pay a separate fee”. It used to be called buy one, get the second one half-off. And do not show me the fumbling, mumbling and bumbling inept person struggle to untangle their garden hose. Where do they find these people?

Once you get past the commercials, other programming is not much better.

How many shows about America’s top singers, dancers, jugglers and others with “talent” do we need to see? And has your endless string of reality shows actually blurred what reality is. I don’t need or ever watch 100 shopping channels, or broadcasts in foreign languages.

But watch they or not, I strongly suspect they are part of my monthly bill.

I rarely watch anything on the so-called big networks any more. I would rather poke flaming bamboo shoots into my ears that listen to anything Joy Behar or her fellow wretched females on The View have to say.

Most of all, and it may be the ultimate deciding factor in my Idiot Box future is sports coverage.

Thanks, or no thanks, to the infamous Covid-19 panic-demic, ESPN has become a joke. What used to be a cool, informative network with an amazing selection of live sports for sports nuts like me, is now a hollow, political-venom spewing series of talking heads.

My future viewing, if there is one, will hinge on college football this fall. Cancel that, take that away from me, deny me the pleasure of the next Brawl of the Wild, and I will pull the plug from the wall.

I already care little for professional sports. Too many spoiled guys and girls making way too much money to play sports so many of us play for free are now being infiltrated by politics. You can kneel, that’s your right. I can tune you out, that’s my right.

Now I know I’m just one little guy here in little old Plains, Montana. And losing my $85 a month won’t cause anyone in the upper echelons of programming executives to lose sleep at night. They probably get free My Pillows anyway.

But I’ve been hearing these same kinds of thoughts and ideas from more and more people lately.

Who knows, maybe more people will start reading books or going for walks at sunset. Maybe…gasp….talk to people in their neighborhood.

I will miss everyone from Barney Fife to Sean Hannity.

But I will have $85 more in my wallet, if you’re asking.

Chuck Kvelve Bandel is a reporter for the Mineral Independent and Clark Fork Valley Press. Look for his “Kvelve’s Comments” column weekly.