Kvelve's Comments: There oughta be a law

There ought to be a law.

I’m not in favor of more laws but I’m also not an advocate of lawlessness.

But this is a once every two years assault on the senses. An attack on civility. A cavalcade of mental decline.

At last count there are 27 amendments to the Constitution of the United States. Perhaps 28 would be a good thing.

So what, you may be asking, has planted a burr in my saddle, a pain in my behind and brought on virtual bouts of anxiety, nausea and discontent?

Campaign advertisements.

It’s not like we really get a break from this stuff in between elections. This latest presidential election stuff has been going on for four years now. In the final month before the election it’s only going to get worse.

It’s bad enough we have to watch ads 24 hours a day that remind us we have bad breath, thinning hair, out of whack diets or cars, TVs, computers and other items we can’t survive without.

But when you add politicians to the mix, it gets down right depressing.

I almost, and I mean almost but not really, long for a good My Pillow commercial or the ad for that goofy cap that emits hair-growing light for only $799. I’ve paid less than that for many items in my life, including $25 for my first car, a 1961 Ford Galaxy.

Who can live without the video that’s “gone viral” showing crow’s feet lines disappearing from “actual” people.

Nope. They are tame, albeit lame, in the spectrum of idiot box advertising.

Maybe it would be cool to see which candidate in any given race for office actually does get whiter teeth or cleaner laundry. Lord knows there’s a lot of dirty laundry in political ads.

Montana is no exception. If you watch ads from both candidates for any given elected position, you can only come to the conclusion that someone is lying. Duh.

Who really provided the most jobs? I know I got this one myself, by walking into the newspaper office with a resume and letting them know I would like to be employed.

Who really pals around with the Chinese commies?

I’ve never met anyone who is a communist except that one guy in Coeur d’Alene and he was an idiot with bad breath and dirty clothes.

The list of claims and counter claims is actually ridiculous, but I guess if you set it to the music from Fantasia it might be slightly entertaining.

So, as means of combatting this airwave assault, I would like to propose an amendment that would ban election advertising until after Labor Day on any election year. During the 60-day window to state your case, you would be given no more than two total hours of time on TV per day.

Yeah, I know. Such a proposal would never be ratified by three-quarters of the states much less two-thirds of Congress. Asking politicians to limit their “exposure” time would be like asking AOC to say something halfway intelligent.

But think of the money that would be saved, much to the chagrin of Boob Tube accountants and executives. The so-called social media elite would stain their shorts. Robo-callers would actually have to find a real job.

The amendment could include a limit on yard signs as well. You have one month to cover the county with those rows of paper on a stick and then you will be held accountable for collecting and properly disposing of them when the election is over.

Some would probably try to skirt the new law by hiring airplane skywriters to poof out their messages from above. Others would send out legions to knock on your door, causing me to once again close the door, turn out the lights and audio equipment and hide behind the recliner trying not to laugh while they rap on the door.

At any rate, I will be glad when the election is over. But many will not. They will immediately begin planning for 2022 and the next big one in 2024.

It’s like an Air Force sergeant once said to a new recruit who dropped his tray while standing in the chow line at basic training.

“Boy, where you from?”

“Montana sir”

“You came all the way from Montana just to piss me off?”

The correlation is obvious, at least to me.

Chuck Kvelve Bandel is a reporter for the Mineral Independent and Clark Fork Valley Press. Look for his “Kvelve’s Comments” column weekly.