COLUMN: Cornhole scholarships?

It’s hard to get me to say “I can’t believe that” in today’s world.

But, I can’t believe that!

There is actually a college right here in the US of A, that signed two guys, both who were rated “five-star” recruits, to scholarships in...wait for it — cornhole.

The name of the game that makes me smirk has cracked a barrier I can’t believe would ever be cracked.

Cornhole? The bean bag throwing, backyard activity that lots of people play at beer-soaked barbecues, is now a scholarship sport?

Don’t get me wrong, I think it is a great activity and I know it is even played professionally in this land of Sea to Shining Sea. There are tournaments here locally every summer that provide a lot of good people with a lot of good fun, prizes and fellowship.

But scholarships? To an actual college?

Yup.

News reports indicate two Colorado high school seniors have been awarded the first scholarships to attend Winthrop University in South Carolina this coming fall.

There is no NCAA-sanctioned cornhole sport. There are apparently several “club sports” type organizations sprouting up.

But cornhole?

“I’m shocked, as is everyone else,” said one of those two students. “It’s crazy, it’s ground-breaking, it’s new, it’s making history”.

So was covid, and so far no scholarship offers for covid.

If you are not familiar with the game, notice I have not used the word “sport”, it is the game where contestants stand approximately 20 feet apart and try to throw their bean bag into the hole of a ramped board on the neighbors lawn.

Great fun.

But scholarship “sport”?

Those future frat boys have got to be thinking, “we live in the greatest country ever, dude!”

Why stop there?

How about scholarships in beer drinking? Surely there are or soon will be pro beer drinking leagues, not counting bar football watching. Not enough paper to record that many potential scholarships.

What self-respecting college or university doesn’t have a belching team? How about the national short-sheeting team, full of fun and college Tom-foolery?

Along those lines, the college gas-passing circuit will blast it’s way onto the college scholarship scene any day now.

Professional protesting? Tons of scholarship possibilities and the streets are already protest arenas.

It may be outdated, but it’s probably not too late to bring back streaking (for those of you under 30 years of age, that was “sport” associated with running by things naked, years ago)? I did it myself, but never expected a scholarship for it. Gen Z’ers would bust their buns for a streaking scholarship.

Skipping class scholarships would generate huge interest. You could get some of your college expenses paid for doing something many already do. Like getting paid for breathing, right?

Denver area students could earn scholarships in magic mushroom consumption. Imagine sitting around, starting blindly into space (hence the term spacing out) and earning college tuition for being buzzed.

The possibilities are endless.

The sad fact is, some of these “suggestions” may already be in the works.

But cornhole?